The last days

Well this will probably be my last ever blog post unless another teacher requires me to keep an udated post thing again. I will have to say however this semester has flown by! This week we discussed and reviewed what we all learned in class on monday and wednesday we took the final. I fell I did pretty good overall in the class. I feel that I have grown to appreciate what i have in my life and what I will recieve in the future. I cannot wait to have children to be able to practice some of these family styles with more than just my wife and I. I dont really know what else to blog about except I hope that these things stay with me for the rest of my life. I have learned to appreciate my relationships with each member of my family as well as myself. Until whenever I'm out

-Stephen

Dad

So for this week I decided to post 2 things because I really enjoyed writting this paper. We had to write a paper on fatherhood and I thought "this is gonna be difficult" but it turned out to be a great blessing. I wanted to say that I love my Dad and all the things he did and does for me. I hope this paper shhows that. Here is my paper...

Fatherhood: An Eternal Role

The importance of father involvement

            What is so important about being involved as a father? Why do children need a father? I have come to the conclusion that the father plays a vital role in the lives of his children. I believe that some of the most important things a father can do in being involved are the following:

·         Personal development

·         Important for supporting both self and family

·         Just being involved in the lives of your children and wife

·         Being present at every appointment and being present in life itself.

·         Teaching skills to children so that they may make proper choices in life.

            Personal development relates to the fact that before you’re even a father, you must overcome your own personal follies to become a greater man for your family. It is important to be supportive to the family even before a child enters into it. Be supportive of your wife in her wants and needs. Help out when and where you can. Being present means living in the here and now. Don’t worry so much of the what ifs and the past mistakes in your life because this just brings the family down. Finally teaching life skills to your children means being active in their lives and helping them to make correct decisions in their lives so when they are older you can know that you did all you could to help them become great citizens of the community in which they live.

Personal Experiences

            When I think about my own father I think about a man of few words, but wise words. My father always knew what he wanted in life. He decided to be a dentist when he was a sophomore in high school. He knew he wanted to serve a mission, he knew he wanted to join the navy; he knew he wanted to marry in the temple and have eight children. My father did what he set out to do. As a child he tried to instill this in his children. Being the eldest of eight you would think I was his favorite son but being one of six boys the odds were against me. My father taught us how to be men. He would have us work in the yard, or encourage us to help our mother when she was pregnant and still today. He taught me a great deal of being mature even though I didn’t really act it as a teen. In my teens however I tried to steer clear of my father. My father was mild but I was the kid who could get anyone to “boil over” and I did. Since then I feel that I have severed a tie between us. In the moment however he did teach me something. He taught me that no one should ever back talk your wife. I was giving my mother lip and I got it from him. My father taught me kindness as well because whenever I would be mad, he would still come in and tell me that he and my mother still loved me and they were always here for me wanting me to do my best. I have always tried to keep this at the front of my mind, that they always supported my decisions and were there to help me out however they could.

            I am grateful for my father and his example to me as his child. He lived up to the words found in the family proclamation that “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” My father did exemplify these qualities even though I may not have noticed as a child and a teen. Being older now I can see the help he was to me.

My Future Family

            What are my plans for being a father? In my mind, I am more “baby-hungry” than my wife is. The reason is that more than anything in this world I wish to be a father. I want to be that role model in my children’s lives of someone they can look up to. I have always dreamed of the day that I can rear children in this world. In a talk by President Boyd K. Packer, he talks about the world and rearing children in this turmoil and confusion. He states, “the safest place and the best protection against the moral and spiritual diseases is a stable home and family.” I question, who is to lead this family in these things? It is the father’s role to provide, protect, and preside over the family. I know it will be hard to raise children but my plans have always been this:

·         Put my family, and children, first.

·         Go on father child “dates” as often as I can.

·         Be there for them both physically and mentally.

            I have always imagined myself as being that “fun” dad but then again who doesn’t! I love the thought of my children being in my home. I cannot wait until I can hold that eternal calling of father. I love my father and the example he set for me and the “template” of what a good father can and should be. I can’t wait to spend time with my children outside, on vacations, indoors, playing games. The fact that I have been given this chance to be a father makes me excited and like President Packer stated earlier in that talk I mentioned before, I do not fear the future.

Financial Rubbish

In class this week we talked about the family finances. It was funny because in class there was soooo much turmoil in the classroom trying to come up with a budget. I came to the conclusion that creating a budget only works with good communications and not in a classroom setting. Creating a budget is important in family planning because knowing where your money goes helps you to stay in the lines that you have set for yourself and the famil. Talking about it frequently keeps everyone on the same page. Studies have shown that finances are one of the top reasons people get divorced so it is important to be on the same page and to help the others understand the reasons financial budgets are in place. We are taught about staying out of debt because it is always hanging over our head. By creating a budget in class we see how much money we use and not just for debt. When we eliminate debt from our lives, we are allowed to have more money for savings, retirement, other activities, and family activities. Eliminating debt by using a budgeting system helps us to be financially set. I have lerned that being financially secure is important and it takes alot of easy communication to set a proper family budget.

The Art of Communication

This week was all about communication. In class today our teacher encouraged us to write down the things that we felt will improve our communication as well as what communication impediments we need to avoid. As I thought about these questions I thought about what I lack in these areas or what I do to hinder good communications. Here is what I wrote.
Question 1:
How can I improve communication?
-I can improve my commmunicaton by speaking about how I feel. I tend to stay bottled up with my emotions rather than talk about them. I tend to just go with the flow with no input on my side. I know my input is needed and I feel that not only my input could improve but listening more intently. I know by doing this I can help strengthen my relationship with others.
Question 2:
What communication impediments do I need to avoid?
-I need to stop looking unfocused. I lack eye contact with people I speak to. By doing so I  can add confidence in myself and the speaker will know that I am focused and actively listening. I can also be patient with myself. I tend to get distracted  with the world around me and I seem to others to lose focus.

This is what I learned this week and will impliment in my own life as it continues forward

Family Life Cycle

We talked about the family and its life cycle. We talked about the pros and cons of letting children experience things on their own. It has some steps:
1. Leaving Home (family of origin)- differentiation of self, or a breaking off.
2. Coupling or Marriage-
3. Parenting with Young Children-
4. Parenting Adolescence-
5. Leaving and Launching Children-
6. Retirement and Old Age-
Each of these steps is a developmental state in each persons life. We work toward these milestones to make out life meaningful. I wonder if this is why my father is so Pro-marriage for us kids. He always jokes about us getting married to get out of the house. Maybe he isnt joking after all. I wonder how my life is going to be when I reach these states. I have reached step 1 and 2 now its time for 3-6... What kind of a person am I going to be? I know who I want to be and who I feel I will be but what will happen when the dynamics of my family life changes? I look forward to growth and change. I am excited to be able to hit each of these steps in my family life cycle. I can be myself in my relationships with my children. I shared the experience of when I was a teen and my parents essentially backed off and I was able to grow and experience life on my own and in that time I too grew and became a bit more mature. I thanks my parents for that option to chose my decisions and my own lifestyle which allowed me to become myself. I know that that experience helped myself develop into a person I want to be for my children. The family is a living thing and as such it has a cycle and we as individuals play a role in it. As we are healthy in our family, we will have a healthy family cycle.

The quest for Intamacy

In class this week we got to "the topic" that everyone was dying to talk about. Sex! I dont know what it is about this topic that gets everyone so riled up! Its just intercourse. It is the way we further the greatness of man. Without it the species of mankind fails. We got into some  pretty heated discussions. People were stating their opinions about how many kids is to many and ty entertaining just to sit back and listen to these people practically verbally suffocate eachother. Its a number of kids not life or death. We made the point to discuss the Dugger family from 19 kids and counting and how that seems to be excessive however to them it is a number, and lifestyle, that she had made between herself and the Lord. We talked about how this is what we are councilled to do as members of the church and it really isnt important what people think about our decision. The biggest thing we talked about was the idea of not judging those who dont have children. Just because someone feels they are ready to have kids right out of the temple doesn't give you the right to judge those of us who have been married for time and dont have kids. Some people aren't ready mentally to have children, some aren't able to have children, and some are never able to marry so why is it our human nature to judge those people. Its the same when your in highschool and you aren't in a relationship. people judge you for not thinking your "broken" or "weird" and in the mormon community we are so focused on telling others how to marry, who to marry, and when to marry that the single ladies are sometimes pushed into relationships they aren't even ready to have. If we take the mind set of Christ, we don't judge those around us for not having kids, for not marrying, but we look at them as friends and we don't put them down because we feel they lack something in their life. I learned this week that intamacy isnt an extended family and friend decision. Its a decision made by husband, wife, and the Lord. We put our selves in his capable and all knowing hands. If a baby is in the picture, he can sure as heck override any birth control pill, or have a condom "accidentally" pop. He knows when we are ready to have a child even if we aren't. We must live close to the spirit so when the time is right, we will know. As we do so, lives around us are blesssed as well and we no longer judge those who may be "different" in our comunities.

Dating: Game or actually Productive?

Dating: Why is it so important?

We talked in class this week about the importance of dating. It struck me how important actual factual dating can be. I know the prophets and people in the church are all about the young people dating besides hanging out, but even in the world, dating is a key ingredient in pre-marriage living. We are counciled to date before being married but why is hanging out such a bad thing? We talked about how hanging out leads to idleness because why try something like dating when hanging out is so much easier? The easier way is usually the idle way. Dating is referred to the 3 P's (Planned ahead, Paid for, and Paired off) and if one of these is not met, its not a date. As I was thinking about the "dates" I had been on and a good point was made. Hanging out isnt bad, its when hanging out takes the place of dating when it becomes a bad thing. Hanging out is a good starting point to "fill your canteen" with the people you want to associate with. I met my wife through hanging out at a pool party just months before my mission. When I got home we would hang out but it came to a point where we were actually paired off and we were a couple. Then the dating was on in full force. We hang out with friends but we were always paired off and the date was always planned and paid for. Does dating lead to deeper relationships? Of course. It is in dating that we as couples find out about eachother. We are able to see what works and what doesnt. It is this reason why dating is so crucial to marriage. It is essentially a building block on the foundation of marriage. 



Taking Back Family

This week in class we had to write a paper comparing our family in a metaphor. I chose something obscure but I felt that it worked. I compared my family specifically to my favorite rock band ever: Taking Back Sunday. I have chosen to paste my paper as my blog so that people can read it and see how my family compares to this amazing band. here it is

Family is like a Rock Band

                When I was in high school, and even to this day, I loved listening to my all time favorite band Taking Back Sunday. They are a rock band and I love listening to them all day every day. When I saw this assignment I thought about a number of things but I soon realized that I didn’t know much about any of the things I had thought up. I turned to something I did know and I thought it could work.

                I love music more than most things in this world. I love playing it, listening to it, and writing it. How is this compared to a family though? Well it all starts in the early stages with an idea. With Taking Back Sunday, and any other band, it starts with someone wanting to make something for them self. Eddy Reyes, the “leader” of the band started with the idea of getting a group together in 1999. They came out with their first cd in 2002. The band has gone through 3 other band members in their years of playing music; but how does any of this compare to a family? How does music compare to the inner workings of family interactions?  How is it similar to the relationships within the band itself? Let’s get to it!

                I compare the band to my family personally because like any great band, it is going to start as an idea. My parents had the idea to start a family, much like Eddy had the idea to form a band. 2 years later, they had me as a baby; much like Taking Back Sunday produced their first “baby” album. We grew and my parents had more and more children topping the family at 8 kids. Taking Back Sunday also has 8 albums. As my parents had more and more children, we hit some bumps along the way. Just like TBS lost some great members of the band, they were replaced with other skilled musicians. Now we didn’t lose anyone in the family, but if there was an issue we worked it out allowing for something better to come about. As kids we would argue about all sorts of things. We would fight over most everything we could fight about. It’s the same in bands. No one is perfect, but together you make sweet music. My family worked hard at being a good family and it wasn’t until the last 6 years that we all started working “perfectly” much like in bands, their last album is usually one of the greatest albums yet.

                Now as far as relationships and boundaries go, my family had a ton! In bands, the relationships and boundaries are with the band members, their instruments, their families, fans, recording studio, band managers, and more. The same goes in a family. Parents have relationships with friends, family, kids, each other, in-laws, and more. We as kids had relationships with parents, friends, cousins, hobbies, and each other. The boundaries in the band relate with the family because sometimes in the band, they have fights with each other, but then put on a front when in front of the media, or fans. They stay together for the good of the “community.” In my family it worked the same way. When one of us kids acted out, our parents laid down the rules and we had to follow or be punished. Do bands have rules? Of course they do, and when they are broken, consequences follow. Much like band members have relationships with their instruments, we s kids had relationships with each other. When we were in a room together, you knew who was going to work together because it worked. You wouldn’t ask a lead singer to play the bass without any training because it would sound horrible. It was the same way in our family. My sister and my father worked excellent together so we knew they would be the ones helping each other. My brothers all shared similar interests so they were always together doing something and it worked. Band members know their place just like the children knew where they belonged.

                When the family all worked together, we made excellent “music.” The music itself is a comparison relates to the inner workings of a family in the sense that together they flow and make music. If you heard a song that was just drums it wouldn’t sound good at all. When you add in the guitars, bass, and vocals, it becomes a priceless sound of excellence. They do mess up however. At times, a wrong note is played thus altering the sound of that song making it undesirable and hard to listen to; much like a family unit and its interactions. When one would “mess up” the family didn’t function like it should have. We had to make a change and practice and practice. With this practice came the idea of discipline and honor. We honored our parents for allowing us to change and we knew that they were always there to help us get better. The band Taking Back Sunday did the same. They would have times when some would struggle and they would step in to help that person out because they knew they couldn’t sound the same without him. It took a lot of discipline too. Much like writing music takes time and patience; you have to be disciplined to try it over and over again until it is perfected.

                So how is my family like my all time favorite rock band? We work together to make amazing music, we help each other when one is struggling, we do things together that make the family function like a well rehearsed rock show, and all together we rock the masses. Why do people love our house, our family, and us as individuals? Because we try to make and create an environment where people love to be themselves. We love having people with us because deep down we do it for the “fans” and those we truly care about. Taking Back Sunday is like my family because like them, we are awesome! 

The Family System: Everyone has a Place

Even this guy has a place in the system!

So this week I thought I would focus on something we did in class today. We talked about the system and sub-system within a family. This made me think about myself and where I fit into my own family. When we drew the family with the arrows I thought about my own family and set of rules that we had. I noticed something. One of the unsaid rules was "stephen is the rebel." It was a thought that I had about myself but I thought more and more about it and I think it is true. I look back on my life growing up as the eldest child and I was never the one to go to for advice, or the other elderly brother things. It wasn't my thing. I was the "outcast" I guess for lack of a better word. I was never home because I held jobs through my highschool years, I dated girls and had girlfriends, I hung out with friends constantly, so I guess I never thought about myself as playing a part in some higher system. Something was and is amiss. I don't know what my other role in the family is. I guess im the "jokester" or something but frankly I havn't a clue.
However, now that im married, served a mission, and am a full time student, I have come to learn a new role in my family. I am the "head" of the household. I have started the "executive system" within my new found family. Whats interesting to me is that for FHE this past Monday, Jessica and I had a lesson on our favorite verses of scripture. We both chose scriptures from Doctrine and Covenants 121. She shared 7-9 and I shared 33-46. What they are about is a system within the individual. 7-9 discussed the blessings from following the system of you and God. When times get rough, our system with God can step in and the alliance we have with him can make the hard times better. In 33-46, it is about the personal sanctification it takes to uphold the priesthood righteously to allow for a "perfect" system to be established within the home, church, community, and ultimately the world. Now thats a far stretch with the world and community but like I learned from Jessica, in the verses 7-9, all things are possible when you fully trust in the Lord.

Its funny how...

Families Start Here

You know I find it funny how in class this week we discussed the different ways to approach researching the family. Its interesting to me that people are interested in the family as a unit. Something that stood out to me was something Matt in my group had mentioned from the reading. That was the fact that marriage "study" is a relatively new study focus. The thing I find so funny is how much we as latter-day saints understand about the family. We know what trends come from not allowing God and Christ to be the center of our lives. These researchers think that there is a trend going on and there is. The trend is that we as americans and as humans have pushed God to the outskirts of existince and we rely on our own human nature to decide what is best to do. I find it funny that we have a prophet who has given us a written guide on how to survive in a family in this "godless" society in which we live. No im not putting anyone under the bus but I believe that the more we center our lives around wholesome things and put our own needs aside to help someone else, these trends would look incredibly different. The research can happen because so many people are prideful in their relationships that they no longer care about the other half of their relationship therefore tearing apart the family. Its Satan's plan to watch us tear ourselves apart and to struggle throughout this life.
Its funny that the world has to research how to stop these trends or what causes these trends when the answers are right under their nose. Its all right there in the Bible, the Book of Mormon, the other divine writtings of our times. If people would hold true to the original beliefs of man, look inside themselves, and just be more mindful of those around them, families wouldnt dissolve, we wouldnt have high abortion rates, divorce rates, and the problems and issues we have today. God has been telling us the answers for years and still does today. If we would just listen and follow the teachings, we would have the answers for the research.
I mentioned that I thought it was interesting how the article we read each practice was a "great" idea and then right after it said all the flaws it had. The perfect system has been laid out since day 1 of man. In genesis we read, "And God said, Let ^aus ^bmake ^cman in our ^dimage, after our ^elikeness: and let them have ^fdominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth. So God created man in his own ^aimage, in the image of God created he him; male and ^bfemale created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be ^afruitful, and ^bmultiply, and ^creplenish the ^dearth, and subdue it: and have ^edominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over every living thing that moveth upon the earth."
Did god intend for man to leave his wife, or the wife to leave the man? No. In this instance, he joined them into "one flesh" to be helpmates to one another for ETERNITY not till one of you is just done with the other, or the other goes "out of style" and loses it's interest. No! The relationship set out by God himself was to have man and woman together to be a family unit. The result was Adam and Eve who went on to raise their children Together! Shocking! So in conclusion do we need to research marriage and families as a unit? We shouldnt have to because the actual perfect layout has already been given. We need to study ourselves and ask how can I get back to God to make my relationships worth something. This is what I took from this week of Family Relations.

The Quinn Moment



Empowerment

As a missionary I served in the Adelaide Australia Mission under the inspiration of President Robert E. Quinn. He was the man. For the last year and a half, he has sent us missionaries emails telling us about how greatful he is for some particular thing each day without fail. As I was reading his email this week he wrote something that really stood out to me. I thought I would share it and relate it to this class.
He stated "Seeing potential in other people and inviting them on a path that will increase that potential is the fundamental life stance of every practicing, empowered Christian." I thought about how this pertains to the family unit. As a family, we are put into units with other people. As parents, we are to teach our children correct principles. When I was a young missionary, I saw myself as a child in a "new" family. My parents were in fact my mission president. Because of his example and his ability to inspire and empower us, I yearned to be better. In our home lives, I believe that parents have that responsibility to empower their children to do the right thing. I will be ever greatful for the example of my mission president and his wife.
I know this doesn't go along with what we talked about in class, it was just an insight I had and it hit me in a way that I could relate it to the family relation class. I hope to be able to emulate the characteristic of being able to empower those around me so that they can flourish and in turn do the same for those around them.

Thursday Jan. 5th 2012

Well I guess its time to ring in the new year with something I have never done before... A blog! Yes it is for my FAML 160 class but I hope to take this as an opportunity to get myself out there more. I want to take this post to just explain who I am and what I am about. So to start off I will begin at the beginning. I was born on July 15th 1988. I was kid number 1 of what is now 8. I am also the tallest hitting 6'5" and I know that this is only a temporary thing seeing as how my younger brother is just inches from my height. Am I ok with that? Not really but hey its all good because I am still number 1. I was born in Sacramento California and I love it there. I never want to leave the central valley. My family moved because my dad was in the navy and we would move from base housing to base housing. We lived in LA while my dad went to dental school, moved to South Carolina, then North Carolina, then back to Sacramento all before I was 8 years old. I went to 2 different elementary schools, then middle school, then on to high school at El Camino. I barely graduated. School was never my thing so the year after I graduated from high school, I worked at Scandia Family Fun Center where I did just about every job available.
I have had a number of odd jobs throughout my life. My first job was at Baskin Robbins when I was in my Junior year of high school. I then went on to work at Scandia, then as a valet for private parties, Gap as a seasonal employee, and finally Scandia again. I then went on to do painting, sheet metal, and ticket usher for BYU-I ticket services which I am currently doing.
After Scandia the second time, I quit to serve a mission to the Adelaide Australia Mission. I started September 5th 2007 and came home September 9th 2009. Yes that is 9/9/09 the longest day of my life... fun fact, it was a Wednesday. I loved my mission. I loved the people I served with and those I was privileged to teach. We still get together to play Mexican train at my apartment.
Soon after my mission, I met my wife Jessica. She came to my homecoming the Friday after I came home. We had been writing each other since I hit my year mark on my mission. Toward the end of my time in Australia, I knew she was the one, so seeing her at my house 2 days after being home was really weird. I was totaly awkward. but it seemed to work out because I kissed her that night, the next day I asked her to be my girlfriend, and 2 months later I proposed. All this happened before my first semester at BYU-I. We were married April 10th 2010 in the Sacramento Temple.
At the time, I was a construction major. I liked to work with my hands and see results of my actions. For some reason I was still "empty" and felt like I should be doing something else. One night Jessica and I were at the gym getting our fitness on and I was looking in the mirrors in the old gym and a thought came into my head that said Physical Therapy. So I made the plans to change my major, however I had an internship lined up working for a company who built the Oakley sunglasses stores throughout the world. At the end of that semester of school, I had made the plans to change my major from construction to exercise physiology. I didn't officially make the change until later in the year, because I thought I would give an internship a try and see if I should stick with it. Turned out construction is a job all based on luck and hope, and as good as that is, I cant raise my future kids and family on hope and luck, so I made the change to something more stable. I have loved it ever since.
My wife and I are now back at school in lovely Rexburg Idaho. We love it here and we also love the thought of being able to leave and start a family outside of an ice burg town. Jessica is graduating July 2012 and I graduate July 2013. Jessica is a Math Education major and will student teach this fall while I apply for fast grad so that I can be done and go onto Physical Therapy School.
Well that concludes my blurp about myself. I will have more to come as the school year progresses.