The last days

Well this will probably be my last ever blog post unless another teacher requires me to keep an udated post thing again. I will have to say however this semester has flown by! This week we discussed and reviewed what we all learned in class on monday and wednesday we took the final. I fell I did pretty good overall in the class. I feel that I have grown to appreciate what i have in my life and what I will recieve in the future. I cannot wait to have children to be able to practice some of these family styles with more than just my wife and I. I dont really know what else to blog about except I hope that these things stay with me for the rest of my life. I have learned to appreciate my relationships with each member of my family as well as myself. Until whenever I'm out

-Stephen

Dad

So for this week I decided to post 2 things because I really enjoyed writting this paper. We had to write a paper on fatherhood and I thought "this is gonna be difficult" but it turned out to be a great blessing. I wanted to say that I love my Dad and all the things he did and does for me. I hope this paper shhows that. Here is my paper...

Fatherhood: An Eternal Role

The importance of father involvement

            What is so important about being involved as a father? Why do children need a father? I have come to the conclusion that the father plays a vital role in the lives of his children. I believe that some of the most important things a father can do in being involved are the following:

·         Personal development

·         Important for supporting both self and family

·         Just being involved in the lives of your children and wife

·         Being present at every appointment and being present in life itself.

·         Teaching skills to children so that they may make proper choices in life.

            Personal development relates to the fact that before you’re even a father, you must overcome your own personal follies to become a greater man for your family. It is important to be supportive to the family even before a child enters into it. Be supportive of your wife in her wants and needs. Help out when and where you can. Being present means living in the here and now. Don’t worry so much of the what ifs and the past mistakes in your life because this just brings the family down. Finally teaching life skills to your children means being active in their lives and helping them to make correct decisions in their lives so when they are older you can know that you did all you could to help them become great citizens of the community in which they live.

Personal Experiences

            When I think about my own father I think about a man of few words, but wise words. My father always knew what he wanted in life. He decided to be a dentist when he was a sophomore in high school. He knew he wanted to serve a mission, he knew he wanted to join the navy; he knew he wanted to marry in the temple and have eight children. My father did what he set out to do. As a child he tried to instill this in his children. Being the eldest of eight you would think I was his favorite son but being one of six boys the odds were against me. My father taught us how to be men. He would have us work in the yard, or encourage us to help our mother when she was pregnant and still today. He taught me a great deal of being mature even though I didn’t really act it as a teen. In my teens however I tried to steer clear of my father. My father was mild but I was the kid who could get anyone to “boil over” and I did. Since then I feel that I have severed a tie between us. In the moment however he did teach me something. He taught me that no one should ever back talk your wife. I was giving my mother lip and I got it from him. My father taught me kindness as well because whenever I would be mad, he would still come in and tell me that he and my mother still loved me and they were always here for me wanting me to do my best. I have always tried to keep this at the front of my mind, that they always supported my decisions and were there to help me out however they could.

            I am grateful for my father and his example to me as his child. He lived up to the words found in the family proclamation that “fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.” My father did exemplify these qualities even though I may not have noticed as a child and a teen. Being older now I can see the help he was to me.

My Future Family

            What are my plans for being a father? In my mind, I am more “baby-hungry” than my wife is. The reason is that more than anything in this world I wish to be a father. I want to be that role model in my children’s lives of someone they can look up to. I have always dreamed of the day that I can rear children in this world. In a talk by President Boyd K. Packer, he talks about the world and rearing children in this turmoil and confusion. He states, “the safest place and the best protection against the moral and spiritual diseases is a stable home and family.” I question, who is to lead this family in these things? It is the father’s role to provide, protect, and preside over the family. I know it will be hard to raise children but my plans have always been this:

·         Put my family, and children, first.

·         Go on father child “dates” as often as I can.

·         Be there for them both physically and mentally.

            I have always imagined myself as being that “fun” dad but then again who doesn’t! I love the thought of my children being in my home. I cannot wait until I can hold that eternal calling of father. I love my father and the example he set for me and the “template” of what a good father can and should be. I can’t wait to spend time with my children outside, on vacations, indoors, playing games. The fact that I have been given this chance to be a father makes me excited and like President Packer stated earlier in that talk I mentioned before, I do not fear the future.

Financial Rubbish

In class this week we talked about the family finances. It was funny because in class there was soooo much turmoil in the classroom trying to come up with a budget. I came to the conclusion that creating a budget only works with good communications and not in a classroom setting. Creating a budget is important in family planning because knowing where your money goes helps you to stay in the lines that you have set for yourself and the famil. Talking about it frequently keeps everyone on the same page. Studies have shown that finances are one of the top reasons people get divorced so it is important to be on the same page and to help the others understand the reasons financial budgets are in place. We are taught about staying out of debt because it is always hanging over our head. By creating a budget in class we see how much money we use and not just for debt. When we eliminate debt from our lives, we are allowed to have more money for savings, retirement, other activities, and family activities. Eliminating debt by using a budgeting system helps us to be financially set. I have lerned that being financially secure is important and it takes alot of easy communication to set a proper family budget.

The Art of Communication

This week was all about communication. In class today our teacher encouraged us to write down the things that we felt will improve our communication as well as what communication impediments we need to avoid. As I thought about these questions I thought about what I lack in these areas or what I do to hinder good communications. Here is what I wrote.
Question 1:
How can I improve communication?
-I can improve my commmunicaton by speaking about how I feel. I tend to stay bottled up with my emotions rather than talk about them. I tend to just go with the flow with no input on my side. I know my input is needed and I feel that not only my input could improve but listening more intently. I know by doing this I can help strengthen my relationship with others.
Question 2:
What communication impediments do I need to avoid?
-I need to stop looking unfocused. I lack eye contact with people I speak to. By doing so I  can add confidence in myself and the speaker will know that I am focused and actively listening. I can also be patient with myself. I tend to get distracted  with the world around me and I seem to others to lose focus.

This is what I learned this week and will impliment in my own life as it continues forward

Family Life Cycle

We talked about the family and its life cycle. We talked about the pros and cons of letting children experience things on their own. It has some steps:
1. Leaving Home (family of origin)- differentiation of self, or a breaking off.
2. Coupling or Marriage-
3. Parenting with Young Children-
4. Parenting Adolescence-
5. Leaving and Launching Children-
6. Retirement and Old Age-
Each of these steps is a developmental state in each persons life. We work toward these milestones to make out life meaningful. I wonder if this is why my father is so Pro-marriage for us kids. He always jokes about us getting married to get out of the house. Maybe he isnt joking after all. I wonder how my life is going to be when I reach these states. I have reached step 1 and 2 now its time for 3-6... What kind of a person am I going to be? I know who I want to be and who I feel I will be but what will happen when the dynamics of my family life changes? I look forward to growth and change. I am excited to be able to hit each of these steps in my family life cycle. I can be myself in my relationships with my children. I shared the experience of when I was a teen and my parents essentially backed off and I was able to grow and experience life on my own and in that time I too grew and became a bit more mature. I thanks my parents for that option to chose my decisions and my own lifestyle which allowed me to become myself. I know that that experience helped myself develop into a person I want to be for my children. The family is a living thing and as such it has a cycle and we as individuals play a role in it. As we are healthy in our family, we will have a healthy family cycle.

The quest for Intamacy

In class this week we got to "the topic" that everyone was dying to talk about. Sex! I dont know what it is about this topic that gets everyone so riled up! Its just intercourse. It is the way we further the greatness of man. Without it the species of mankind fails. We got into some  pretty heated discussions. People were stating their opinions about how many kids is to many and ty entertaining just to sit back and listen to these people practically verbally suffocate eachother. Its a number of kids not life or death. We made the point to discuss the Dugger family from 19 kids and counting and how that seems to be excessive however to them it is a number, and lifestyle, that she had made between herself and the Lord. We talked about how this is what we are councilled to do as members of the church and it really isnt important what people think about our decision. The biggest thing we talked about was the idea of not judging those who dont have children. Just because someone feels they are ready to have kids right out of the temple doesn't give you the right to judge those of us who have been married for time and dont have kids. Some people aren't ready mentally to have children, some aren't able to have children, and some are never able to marry so why is it our human nature to judge those people. Its the same when your in highschool and you aren't in a relationship. people judge you for not thinking your "broken" or "weird" and in the mormon community we are so focused on telling others how to marry, who to marry, and when to marry that the single ladies are sometimes pushed into relationships they aren't even ready to have. If we take the mind set of Christ, we don't judge those around us for not having kids, for not marrying, but we look at them as friends and we don't put them down because we feel they lack something in their life. I learned this week that intamacy isnt an extended family and friend decision. Its a decision made by husband, wife, and the Lord. We put our selves in his capable and all knowing hands. If a baby is in the picture, he can sure as heck override any birth control pill, or have a condom "accidentally" pop. He knows when we are ready to have a child even if we aren't. We must live close to the spirit so when the time is right, we will know. As we do so, lives around us are blesssed as well and we no longer judge those who may be "different" in our comunities.

Dating: Game or actually Productive?

Dating: Why is it so important?

We talked in class this week about the importance of dating. It struck me how important actual factual dating can be. I know the prophets and people in the church are all about the young people dating besides hanging out, but even in the world, dating is a key ingredient in pre-marriage living. We are counciled to date before being married but why is hanging out such a bad thing? We talked about how hanging out leads to idleness because why try something like dating when hanging out is so much easier? The easier way is usually the idle way. Dating is referred to the 3 P's (Planned ahead, Paid for, and Paired off) and if one of these is not met, its not a date. As I was thinking about the "dates" I had been on and a good point was made. Hanging out isnt bad, its when hanging out takes the place of dating when it becomes a bad thing. Hanging out is a good starting point to "fill your canteen" with the people you want to associate with. I met my wife through hanging out at a pool party just months before my mission. When I got home we would hang out but it came to a point where we were actually paired off and we were a couple. Then the dating was on in full force. We hang out with friends but we were always paired off and the date was always planned and paid for. Does dating lead to deeper relationships? Of course. It is in dating that we as couples find out about eachother. We are able to see what works and what doesnt. It is this reason why dating is so crucial to marriage. It is essentially a building block on the foundation of marriage.